Moutain Town.

I couldn't breath.

Not because the Eliptical was kicking my ass, but because..
well I didn't know why.
All I knew was that I had to get out of the gym.


I grabbed my water and car keys and headed down the steps, pushing through the glass doors And out into the decieving sunlight.

The wind pierced at my body turning my sweat into what felt like Ice.
I hunched over and pulled on my hoodie and windbreaker, turned up my music and walked.

I had a thought as to where I was going.

But it was only 430 and he wouldnt be out of work for quite a while. Besides. What do I want from him? what good can it possibly do?



I decided to just walk, and feel sorry for myself for a while.
Lincoln st is my favorite route to the south side of portsmouth.

Alex woodard sang to me as I kicked tree roots along the sidewalk.
Sunglasses on , off, on again. My face contorting with every cross street.
I wished I could just cry and get it over with. I felt on the edge of something.
The edge of my sanity,
Patience,
Strength,
Life.

I played a song on repeat for the entire walk. It was the only way I could center in on my thoughts.
Try to harmonize the sadness to the "Mountain Town".

I contemplated the options. What did I want to do? And what did I just want to, want to do.
I wanted to walk away.
From what?
Just away.
Doesnt matter what you want.
Only what you do about it.
Sometimes I have the guts, but when it really matters. I dont. not yet.

Not sure why but I took a left down Kent st. I never went this way.
Its always South St.
As I came to the end of the road, and looked down over south mill pond, my eyes settled on that blue.
Sets a panic off in my skin everytime.
The same way his eyes do.


I sat on a bench in the sun and counted down the hour.
What would I do?
Probablly leave when I saw his silohouette coming across the water.
Walk home, and think of all the things I should have said. Should have done.

When the time came. I glanced up and down awkwardlly while I tried to play it off like I hadnt sat waiting for him. But I knew he knew. I didnt mind.

Small talk. But not really.. Small talk is the most important with people you care about.

He put his arms around me, and I held on for dear life.
He sensed the urgency in my embrace and pulled me in close, and hard.
I fell over the edge of whatever I had been balancing on for the past few hours.
Shaking, and silent.
It seems that when You dont have to be your own boundary, and someone else wraps you away, you can let everything melt.

I pulled away and looked up, and his eyes asked me.
I sputtered out "it's not you. or me. Not you and me, I mean. this."
"Ok ok" he said while he pulled me back in.

I didnt need words, and didnt need answers.
There I was, with mascara tears staining my face, in his arms, in the park, in the middle of the afternoon. And I think that is all I wanted.

To be able to let it all go while someone held me together.

With my face pressed into his cotton shirt and his smell setteling throughout my body, our bodies like two edge pieces, I mumbled..
"There's a lot of shitty people, that dont give a fuck... It makes me miss the people that do."
If it were possible, I would have pulled him closer.